In Which The Heroes Don't Fall For The Heroines
by reader713
Summary: Tifa, Rinoa, Serah, and Yuna are the upcoming stars of a series of movies. Heros belong with the heroines...right?  "…do you know how weird it is to watch your 'destined one' make out with someone who has tried to kill you and him?"  Heartbreak awaits.


DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN (ANY OF THEM!)

"…do you know how weird it is to watch your 'destined one' make out with someone who has tried to kill you and him?"

There was an abrupt silence.

The door was flung open "he-he's CHEATING on me!" Serah wailed "with LIGHTNING!"

"Join the club!" Tifa declared "well, we're not engaged…but…same thing" she shrugged.

Serah huffed before dropping into a seat.

"Well, you're with me" Yuna declared "at least my 'lover' didn't pick someone who's tried to kill me."

"Or destroy the world" Rinoa mused "…or is your ex."

The four fell silent.

"Why?" Rinoa finally wailed "it's not FAIR!"

"Maybe that saying 'only in movies' really is true" Tifa commented dryly.

The four females in question were all actresses playing lead roles in their respective films. Square Enix had decided to make a series of films, and announced that it would be cheaper to make them all at once. As it was, the four girls had immediately become close friends, if only to shared their mutual pain.

All four of them had something in common (apart from being female and playing star roles); they all had a love interest in the film (or at least one was implied). The four girls had become close friends after they tested for their roles (especially upon realizing that none of them wanted the same role), and had decided that it would be terribly romantic to fall for their role's love interest.

It was not to be.

All four had been extremely hopeful. The director had loved their off-film tension and interaction. Yuna had inwardly been delighted, Tidus (her counter-part) was very friendly, and not at all arrogant (his father had been a famous actor once). She had decided to hold 'hanging out parties' for the main actors. It had worked, though she hadn't quite understood how Lulu had insisted on bringing a camera everywhere. Lulu and Wakka were best friends, and appeared to be a couple. Yuna liked them both, and they took on a big-sibling attitude towards her and Tidus. And Lulu was always available to watch the 'blitzball' scenes (Yuna would always inwardly squeal as Tidus got out of the water, followed by Wakka).

Yuna decided that she and Tidus would make the perfect couple (their fathers had acted together quite often). They were to be! She and Tidus would date, Wakka and Lulu would date, and they would all be best friends… Lulu ended up laughing hysterically when Yuna told her of the idea, before informing her that she and Wakka would never date.

Yuna decided she could work with that.

And then she realized that the moans from the next room were coming from Tidus and Wakka's room (the actors/actresses had to share when they filmed off-site and were forced to stay in hotels). Evidently Wakka had a girlfriend. At least she thought so until she realized that Tidus had spent the night there… maybe he was the one with a girlfriend?

She was informed that when she accidentally fell during the scene to escape from her 'husband', that it was a perfect demonstration of how to fix the scene.

She never had the heart to tell the director that that happened because she had caught sight of Wakka grabbing Tidus's ass.

The other three were very sympathetic, after they finished laughing at her, of course.

Serah was delighted when she was introduced to her 'sister' and 'fiancé', and she immediately hit it off with the actor…or at least thought she did. The director had been delighted by Yuna's idea, and insisted that all 'couples' go on dates to encourage them to be natural with each other; Serah decided it more than made up for having to dye her hair pink.

Snow was quite nice to her, and happy to go out on the dates. Serah decided that the reasons why the actor could be seen going to each place later with the rest of the main cast (after visiting there with Serah) was just coincidence.

At least until she caught sight of Snow and Lightning together…and Snow's hand was *very* far up Lightning's skirt.

She and Yuna (depressed at having realized exactly why Wakka always let Tidus leave the water first) went out to get drunk.

Afterwards, Serah took Lightning out to get more biker shorts, the other woman had mentioned wanting some (partly because she was often in high places, and Serah had a feeling Snow was taking advantage of the angle).

Upon hearing that Rinoa and Seifer had dated, the director had that written into the script. Neither had been particularly pleased (both were of the opinion that it was a mistake and both blamed it on being drunk, though Rinoa did tend to think longingly of how he was better than most of the other guys she'd been with).

Naturally, the director was quite pleased with the rivalry/intense dislike between Squall and Seifer. Rinoa, naturally, was smug that they hated each other (and was good-hearted about ignoring that 'hate-waves' from Yuna and Serah). She was quite sure that there would be no 'unexpected hook-ups' involving them, and was rather smug. She was, however, disappointed to realize that Squall had a girlfriend, he often had hickies (Yuna and Serah were not sympathetic).

Rinoa settled for being his best friend, and for waiting for him to be single again. She ended up informing Seifer of the fact, when he called her a home-wreaker.

Compared to Yuna seeing Wakka's tongue down Tidus's throat, Rinoa declared that it was much worse to see the Squall and Seifer making out (though she did show them a picture she'd taken with her cell before running off to sob dramatically).

For the next week, Tifa, the sole (supposed) exception to the jinx, was the victim of a number of deaths via voodoo dolls.

Tifa was lucky. Cloud was her childhood friend, and they got on rather well. Sephiroth was rather amazing, she admitted, and both she and Cloud admired the popular actor. She did admit, however, to having a habit of dragging Cloud away from him. Cloud had a habit of almost going into a trance when staring at the older actor. Tifa privately admitted that she was more worried of Cloud hooking up with Zack (who played Cloud's close friend and was very cheerful/friendly) than Sephiroth (since the older actor didn't appear to notice Cloud in a personal way).

Tifa also admitted to half-heartedly attempting to throw Zack and Cloud together. Cloud was not interested in her, and he had seen her naked multiple times (childhood friends as all, evidently they could only see each other as siblings). Or at least she planned to until Zack and Aerith announced their engagement at one of the parties. Tifa congratulated them both before agreeing with the other three that Aerith had to pay, terribly. Unfortunately, none of them could agree on a punishment, mostly due to the fact that they genuinely liked her and she was quite nice.

Zack was also nice too…the girls wondered whether they should hope the engagement fell through. So far as they knew, he was the only actor interested in acting on his interest for the opposite sex.

Tifa was smug about Cloud's lack of partner (he had been oblivious to her signals and when Zack flirted with him for fun).

She declared that he was heterosexual, took a drink, and announced that she was going to go confess her love (Serah wished her luck, having just been informed by Snow that he thought of her as a sister).

They ended up having to drag Tifa away from her third bar, completely plastered, after two hours later.

Evidently, Cloud was not heterosexual, or gay (Tifa had muttered something about a male stripper who didn't even cause Cloud to blink at their celebration of turning 21; she had picked the bar).

Evidently Cloud was Sephirtoh-sexual. And the older actor certainly returned the interest (Tifa had muttered something about seeing Cloud on the other man's lap, and she did not want to think about what Sephiroth's coat draped over Cloud's shoulders hid.

The four decided to swear off men, at least temporarily.

Especially once Serah announced that while Hope, her younger co-star, was single, he wasn't available.

Evidently he was waiting for either Lightning and Snow to break up or for their (future) daughter to grow up.

The other three decided to work towards making gay marriage possible (after all, they did want to catch the stupid bouquet, Lightning had caught Aerith's and had then had a civil ceremony in which there was no bouquet).

The four decided to never fall for a co-star. Evidently all the good ones were gay.

They then spent a small fortune on purchasing yaoi. After all, they did want to know exactly what was making their co-stars scream.

And since homosexuality was so popular…maybe they should think about getting a sex change…


End file.
